page 8

1    Single life makes men in one instance to be like Angels,
2but Marriage in very many things makes the chast pair to be
3like to Christ. This is a great mystery , but it is the symbolical
4and sacramental representment of the greatest mysteries of
5our Religion. Christ descended from his Father's bosom,
6and contracted his Divinity with flesh and bloud, and married
7our Nature, and we became a Church, the spouse of the
8Bridegroom, which he cleansed with his Bloud, and gave her
9his holy Spirit for a dowry, and Heaven for a joynture; begetting
10children unto God by the Gospel. This Spouse he
11hath joyn'd to himself by an excellent Charity, he feeds her at
12his own Table, and lodges her nigh his own Heart, provides
13for all her Necessities, relieves her Sorrows, determines her
14Doubts, guides her Wandrings, he is become her Head, and
15she as a Signet upon his right hand; he first indeed was
16betrothed to the Synagogue and had many children by her,
17but she forsook her love, and then he married the Church
18of the Gentiles, and by her as by a second venter had a more
19numerous Issue, atque una domus est omnium filiorum ejus ,
20all the Children dwell in the same house, and are Heirs of the
21same promises, intituled to the same Inheritance. Here is
22the eternal Conjunction, the indissoluble knot, the exceeding
23love of Christ, the obedience of the Spouse, the communicating
24of Goods, the uniting of Interests, the fruit of Marriage, a
25celestial Generation, a new Creature; Sacramentum hoc magnum
26est ; this is the Sacramental mystery, represented by the
27holy Rite of Marriage; so that Marriage is divine in its

page 9

28Institution, sacred in its Union, holy in the Mystery, sacramental
29in its Signification, honourable in its Appellative,
30religious in its Imployments: It is Advantage to the societies
31of men, and it is Holiness to the Lord . Dico autem in Christo
32& Ecclesia , It must be in Christ and the Church.
33    If this be not observed, Marriage loses its mysteriousness:
34but because it is to effect much of that which it signifies,
35it concerns all that enter into those golden fetters to see
36that Christ and his Church be in at every of its periods,
37and that it be intirely conducted and over-rul'd by Religion;
38for so the Apostle passes from the sacramental rite to the real
39duty; Nevertheless , that is, although the former Discourse
40were wholly to explicate the Conjunction of Christ and his
41Church by this similitude, yet it hath in it this real Duty, that
42the man love his wife, and the wife reverence her husband :
43and this is the use we shall now make of it, the particulars of
44which precept I shall thus dispose:
45    1. I shall propound the Duty as it generally relates to
46Man and Wife in conjunction. 2. The duty and power of
47the Man. 3. The rights and priviledges, and the duty of
48the Wife.
49    1. In Christo & Ecclesia that begins all, and there is
50great need it should be so: for they that enter into the state
51of marriage, cast a dye of the greatest contingency, and yet of
52the greatest interest in the world, next to the last throw
53for Eternity.
54GREEK OMITTED
55Life or death, felicity or a lasting sorrow are in the power
56of marriage. A woman indeed ventures most for she hath no
57Sanctuary to retire to from an evil Husband; she must dwell
58upon her Sorrow, and hatch the Eggs which her own Folly or

page 10

59Infelicity hath produced; and she is more under it, because
60her tormentor hath a warrant of prerogative, and the Woman
61may complain to God as Subjects do of tyrant Princes, but
62otherwise she hath no appeal in the causes of unkindness.
63And though the man can run from many hours of his sadness,
64yet he must return to it again, and when he sits among his
65neighbours, he remembers the objection that lies in his bosom,
66and he sighs deeply.
67
68    Ah tum te miserum, malique fati
69Quem attractis pedibus patente porta
70Percurrent mugilesque raphanique.
71
72    The boys, and the pedlers, and the fruiterers shall tell of this
73man, when he is carried to his grave, that he lived and died a
74poor wretched person. The Stags in the Greek Epigram,
75whose Knees were clog'd with frozen Snow upon the mountains,
76came down to the Brooks of the valleys, GREEK OMITTED
77hoping to thaw their joynts with the waters of
78the stream; but there the Frost overtook them, and bound
79them fast in Ice, till the young Heards-men took them in
80their stranger snare. It is the unhappy chance of many men,
81finding many inconveniences upon the mountains of single
82life, they descend into the valleys of marriage to
83refresh their troubles, and there they enter into
84fetters, and are bound to sorrow by the cords of
85a mans or womans peevishness: and the worst
86of the evil is, they are to thank their own follies;
87for they fell into the snare by entering an improper
88way: Christ and the Church were no ingredients
89in their choice: but as the Indian Women enter
90into folly for the price of an Elephant, and think their Crime
91warrantable; so do men and women change their liberty for

page 11

92a rich fortune (like Eriphyle the Argive , GREEK OMITTED
93she preferr'd gold before a good man)
94and shew themselves to be less than money by overvaluing
95that to all the content and wise felicity of their lives: and
96when they have counted the Money and their Sorrows together,
97how willingly would they buy with the Loss
98of all that money, Modesty, or sweet Nature to
99their relative! the odd thousand pound would
100gladly be allowed in good nature and fair manners.
101As very a Fool is he that chuses for
102Beauty principally; cui sunt eruditi oculi, & stulta
103mens (as one said,) whose Eyes are witty, and
104their Soul sensual; It is an ill band of affections
105to tie two hearts together by a little thread of red and white.
106
107    GREEK OMITTED
108
109    And they can love no longer but until the next Ague comes,
110and they are fond of each other but at the chance of fancy, or
111the small Pox, or Child-bearing, or Care, or Time, or any
112thing that can destroy a pretty Flower. But it is the basest
113of all when lust is the Paranymph and solicites the suit, and
114makes the contract, and joyns the hands; for this is commonly
115the effect of the former, according to the Greek proverb,
116
117    GREEK OMITTED
118
119    At first for his fair cheeks and comely Beard, the beast
120is taken for a Lion, but at last he is turn'd to a Dragon, or
121a Leopard, or a Swine. That which is at first Beauty on the
122face may prove Lust in the manners.
123
124    GREEK OMITTED

page 12

125So Eubulus wittily reprehended such impure contracts; they
126offer in their marital Sacrifices nothing but the Thigh, and
127that which the Priests cut from the Goats when they were
128laid to bleed upon the Altars. GREEK OMITTED
129Said S. Clement . "He or she that looks too curiously upon
130"the beauty of the body, looks too low, and hath flesh and corruption
131in his Heart, and is judg'd sensual and earthly in
132his Affections and Desires." Begin therefore with God;
133Christ is the President of marriage, and the holy Ghost is the
134Fountain of purities and chast loves, and he joyns the hearts;
135and therefore let our first Suit be in the court of Heaven, and
136with designs of Piety, or Safety, or Charity; let no impure
137spirit defile the virgin purities and castifications of the soul ,
138(as S. Peters phrase is;) let all such Contracts begin with religious
139affections.
140
141    Conjugium petimus, partumque uxoris; at illis
142Notum, qui pueri qualisve futura sit uxor.
143
144    We sometimes beg of God, for a Wife or a Child, and he
145alone knows what the wife shall prove, and by what dispositions
146and manners, and into what fortune that child shall
147enter: but we shall not need to fear concerning the Event of
148it, if Religion, and fair Intentions, and Prudence manage, and
149conduct it all the way. The preservation of a Family, the
150production of Children, the avoiding Fornication, the refreshment
151of our Sorrows by the comforts of Society, all these are
152fair Ends of Marriage and hallow the entrance; but, in these
153there is a special order; society was the first designed, It is
154not good for man to be alone ; Children was the next, Increase
155and multiply ; but the avoiding fornication came in by the

page 13

156superfoetation of the evil accidents of the world. The first
157makes marriage Delectable, the second necessary to the
158Publick, the third necessary to the Particular; This is for
159safety, for life, and Heaven it self;
160
161    Nam simulac venas inflavit dira cupido,
162Huc juvenes aequum est descendere; -
163
164    The other have in them joy and a portion of Immortality:
165the first makes the mans Heart glad; the second is the friend
166of Kingdoms, and Cities, and Families; and the third is the
167Enemy to Hell, and an Antidote of the chiefest inlet to
168damnation: but of all these the noblest End is the multiplying
169children, Mundus cum patet, Deorum tristium atque inferum
170quasi patet janua; propterea uxorem liberorum quaerendorum
171causa ducere religiosum est , said Varro , It is religion to marry
172for children; and Quintilian put it into the definition of a
173wife, est enim uxor quam jungit, quam diducit utilitas; cujus
174haec reverentia est, quod videtur inventa in causa liberorum ,
175and therefore S. Ignatius when he had spoken of Elias , and
176Titus , and Clement , with an honourable mention of their
177virgin-state, lest he might seem to have lessened the married
178Apostles, at whose feet in Christs Kingdom he thought himself
179unworthy to sit, he gives this testimony, they were
180GREEK OMITTED that they
181might not be disparaged in their great names of holiness and
182severity, they were secured by not marrying to satisfie their
183lower appetites, but out of desire of children. Other considerations
184if they be incident and by way of appendage, are
185also considerable in the accounts of prudence; but when they
186become principles, they defile the mystery and make the
187blessing doubtful: Amabit sapiens, cupient caeteri , said Afranius ,

page 14

188Love is a fair Inducement, but Desire and Appetite are
189rude, and the Characterisms of a sensual person: Amare
190justi & boni est, cupere impotentis ; to love, belongs to a just
191and a good man; but to lust, or furiously and passionately
192to desire, is the sign of impotency and an unruly mind.
193    2. Man and Wife are equally concerned to avoid all
194Offences of each other in the beginning of their conversation:
195every little thing can blast an infant Blossom; and the breath
196of the South can shake the little rings of the Vine, when first
197they begin to curle like the locks of a new weaned boy; but
198when by Age and consolidation they stiffen into the hardness
199of a stem, and have by the warm embraces of the Sun and the
200kisses of Heaven brought forth their clusters, they can endure
201the storms of the North, and the loud noises of a Tempest,
202and yet never be broken: So are the early unions of an
203unfixed Marriage; watchful and observant, jealous and busie,
204inquisitive and careful, and apt to take alarum at every unkind
205word. For Infirmities do not manifest themselves in the first
206Scenes, but in the succession of a long Society; and it is not
207chance or weakness when it appears at first, but it is want of
208love or prudence, or it will be so expounded; and that which
209appears ill at first usually affrights the unexperienced man or
210woman, who makes unequal conjectures, and fancies mighty
211sorrows by the proportions of the new and early unkindness.
212It is a very great Passion, or a huge Folly, or a certain want
213of Love, that cannot preserve the colours and beauties of
214Kindness, so long as publick Honesty requires a man to wear
215their Sorrows for the death of a Friend. Plutarch compares
216a new Marriage to a Vessel before the hoops are on,
217GREEK OMITTED every
218thing dissolves their tender compaginations, but GREEK OMITTED

page 15

219when the joynts are stiffened and are tied by a firm compliance
220and proportion'd bending, scarcely can it be dissolved
221without Fire or the violence of Iron. After the Hearts of
222the man and the wife are endeared and hardened by a mutual
223Confidence, and Experience longer than artifice and pretence
224can last, there are a great many remembrances, and some
225things present that dash all little unkindnesses in pieces.
226The little Boy in the Greek Epigram, that was creeping
227down a Precipice was invited to his Safety by the sight of
228his Mother's pap, when nothing else could intice him to
229return: and the bond of common Children, and the sight
230of her that nurses what is most dear to him, and the endearments
231of each other in the course of a long society, and the
232same relation is an excellent security to redintegrate and to
233call that love back which folly and trifling accidents would
234disturb.
235
236    - Tormentum ingens nubentibus haeret
237Quae nequeunt parere, & partu retinere maritos.
238
239    When it is come thus far, it is hard untwisting the Knot;
240but be careful in its first coalition, that there be no rudeness
241done; for if there be, it will for ever after be apt to start
242and to be diseased.
243    3. Let man and wife be careful to stifle little things,
244that as fast as they spring, they be cut down and trod upon;
245for if they be suffered to grow by numbers, they make the
246spirit peevish, and the Society troublesome, and the Affections
247loose and easie by an habitual Aversation. Some men are
248more vexed with a Flie than with a Wound; and when the
249Gnats disturb our sleep, and the Reason is disquieted but not
250perfectly awakened; it is often seen that he is fuller of trouble
251than if in the day-light of his reason he were to contest with

page 16

252a potent enemy. In the frequent little accidents of a Family,
253a mans reason cannot always be awake; and when his Discourses
254are imperfect, and a trifling Trouble makes him yet
255more restless, he is soon betrayed to the violence of Passion.
256It is certain that the man or woman are in a state of weakness
257and folly then, when they can be troubled with a trifling
258accident; and therefore it is not good to tempt their affections,
259when they are in that state of danger. In this case the
260Caution is, to substract Fuel from the sudden Flame; for
261stubble though it be quickly kindled, yet it is as soon extinguished,
262if it be not blown by a pertinacious breath, or
263fed with new materials. Add no new provocations to the
264accident, and do not inflame this, and peace will soon return,
265and the discontent will pass away soon, as the sparks from the
266collision of a flint; ever remembring, that Discontents proceeding
267from daily little things, do breed a secret undiscernable
268Disease, which is more dangerous than a Fever
269proceeding from a discerned notorious Surfeit.
270    4. Let them be sure to abstain from all those things,
271which by experience and observation they find to be contrary
272to each other. They that govern Elephants never appear
273before them in White, and the Masters of Bulls keep from
274them all garments of Bloud and Scarlet, as knowing that they
275will be impatient of civil usages and discipline, when their
276Natures are provoked by their proper Antipathies. The
277ancients in their martial Hieroglyphicks us'd to depict
278Mercury standing by Venus , to signifie, that by fair language
279and sweet intreaties, the minds of each other should be
280united; and hard by them, Suadam & Gratias descripserunt ,
281they would have all deliciousness of manners, compliance and
282mutual observance to abide.
283    5. Let the Husband and Wife infinitely avoid a curious

page 17

284distinction of mine and thine ; for this hath caused all the
285Laws, and all the Suits, and all the Wars in the World; let
286them who have but one Person, have also but one Interest.
287The Husband and Wife are heirs to each other (as Dionysius
288Halicarnasseus relates from Romulus ) if they die without
289Children; but if there be Children, the Wife is GREEK OMITTED
290a partner in the Inheritance. But during their life,
291the use and imployment is common to both their necessities,
292and in this there is no other Difference of right, but that the
293Man hath the Dispensation of all, and may keep it from his
294Wife just as the Governour of a Town may keep it from the
295right Owner; he hath the power , but no right to do so. And
296when either of them begins to impropriate, it is like a tumour
297in the flesh, it draws more than its share; but what it feeds
298on, turns to a bile: and therefore the Romans forbad any
299Donations to be made between Man and Wife, because
300neither of them could transfer a new Right of those things,
301which already they had in common; but this is to be understood
302only concerning the uses of necessity and personal
303conveniences; for so all may be the Woman's, and all may be
304the Man's in several regards. Corvinus dwells in a Farm
305and receives all its profits, and reaps and sows as he please,
306and eats of the Corn and drinks of the Wine; it is his own:
307but all that also is his Lords, and for it Corvinus pays
308Acknowledgement; and his Patron hath such powers and uses
309of it as are proper to the Lords; and yet for all this, it may
310be the Kings too, to all the purposes that he can need, and
311is all to be accounted in the census and for certain services
312and times of danger: So are the Riches of a Family, they
313are a Womans as well as a Mans: they are hers for Need,
314and hers for Ornament, and hers for modest Delight, and for
315the uses of Religion and prudent Charity; but the disposing

page 18

316them into portions of inheritance, the assignation of charges
317and governments, stipends and rewards, annuities and greater
318donatives are the reserves of the superior right, and not to
319be invaded by the under-possessors. But in those things,
320where they ought to be common, if the spleen or the belly
321swells and draws into its capacity much of that which should
322be spent upon those parts, which have an equal right to be
323maintain'd, it is a dropsie or a consumption of the whole,
324something that is evil because it is unnatural and monstrous.
325Macarius in his 32 Homily speaks fully in this particular, a
326Woman betrothed to a Man bears all her Portion, and with
327a mighty Love pours it into the hands of her Husband, and
328says, GREEK OMITTED , I have nothing of my own; my Goods,
329my Portion, my Body and my Mind is yours. GREEK OMITTED
330all that a Woman hath is reckoned to the right of
331her Husband; not her wealth and her person only, but her
332reputation and her praise; so Lucian . But as the Earth,
333the Mother of all Creatures here below, sends up all its
334Vapours and proper emissions at the command of the Sun,
335and yet requires them again to refresh her own Needs, and
336they are deposited between them both in the bosome of a
337Cloud as a common receptacle, that they may cool his Flames,
338and yet descend to make her Fruitful: So are the proprieties
339of a Wife to be dispos'd of by her Lord; and yet all are for
340her provisions, it being a part of his need to refresh and
341supply hers, and it serves the interest of both while it serves
342the necessities of either.
343    These are the Duties of them both, which have common
344regards and equal necessities, and obligations; and indeed
345there is scarce any matter of duty, but it concerns them both
346alike, and is only distinguished by names, and hath its variety

page 19

347by circumstances and little accidents: and what in one is
348call'd love , in the other is called reverence ; and what in the
349wife is obedience , the same in the man is duty . He provides,
350and she dispenses; he gives commandments, and she rules
351by them; he rules her by Authority, and she rules him by
352Love; she ought by all means to please him, and he must
353by no means displease her. For as the Heart is set in the
354midst of the Body, and though it strikes to one side by the
355prerogative of Nature, yet those throbs and constant motions
356are felt on the other side also, and the influence is equal to
357both: So it is in conjugal Duties; some motions are to the
358one side more than to the other, but the interest is on both,
359and the Duty is equal in the several instances. If it be
360otherwise, the Man enjoys a Wife as Periander did his dead
361Melissa , by an unnatural Union, neither pleasing, nor holy,
362useless to all the purposes of Society, and dead to Content.

page 20

363

PART II.

364
365    The next Inquiry is more particular, and considers
366the Power and Duty of the Man; Let every one of
367you so love his Wife even as himself ; she is as himself,
368the man hath power over her as over himself,
369and must love her equally. A Husbands power over his
370wife is paternal and friendly, not magisterial and despotick.
371The wife is in perpetua tutela , under conduct and counsel;
372for, the power a man hath is founded in the understanding,
373not in the will or force; it is not a power of coercion, but a
374power of advice, and that government that wise men have
375over those who are fit to be conducted by them: Et vos in
376manu et in tutela non in servitio debetis habere eas, et malle
377patres vos, et viros, quam dominos dici , said Valerius in Livie ;
378Husbands should rather be Fathers than Lords . Homer adds
379more soft appellatives to the character of a Husbands duty,
380GREEK OMITTED
381Thou art to be a Father and a Mother to her, and a Brother:
382and great reason, unless the state of Marriage should be no
383better than the condition of an Orphan. For she that is
384bound to leave Father and Mother, and Brother for thee,
385either is miserable like a poor fatherless child, or else ought

page 21

386to find all these, and more in thee. Medea in Euripides had
387cause to complain when she found it otherwise.
388
389    GREEK OMITTED
390
391    Which Saint Ambrose well translates: It is sad, when Virgins
392are with their own Money sold to Slavery; and that Services
393are in better state than Marriages; for they receive Wages,
394but these buy their Fetters and pay dear for their loss of
395Liberty; and therefore the Romans expressed the mans power
396over his wife but by a gentle word, Nec vero mulieribus praefectus
397praeponatur, qui apud Graecos creari solet, sed sit censor
398qui viros doceat moderari uxoribus ; said Cicero , let there be
399no Governour of the Woman appointed, but a Censor of
400Manners, one to teach the men to moderate their Wives , that
401is, fairly to induce them to the measures of their own proportions.
402It was rarely observed of Philo , GREEK OMITTED
403when Adam made that fond Excuse for his Folly in eating
404the forbidden fruit, he said The woman thou gavest to be
405with me she gave me He says not The woman which thou
406gavest to me no such thing; she is none of his Goods, none
407of his Possessions, not to be reckoned amongst his Servants;
408God did not give her to him so; but The woman thou gavest
409to be with me that is, to be my partner, the Companion of my
410joys and sorrows, thou gavest her for Use, not for Dominion.
411The Dominion of a man over his Wife is no other than as
412the Soul rules the Body; for which it takes a mighty care,
413and uses it with a delicate tenderness, and cares for it in all

page 22

414contingencies, and watches to keep it from all evils, and
415studies to make for it fair provisions, and very often is led
416by its inclinations and desires, and does never contradict
417its appetites, but when they are evil, and then also not without
418some trouble and sorrow; and its Government comes only to
419this, it furnishes the body with light and understanding, and
420the body furnishes the soul with hands and feet; the Soul
421governs, because the body cannot else be happy, but the
422government is no other than provision ; as a Nurse governs
423a Child, when she causes him to eat, and to be warm, and
424dry, and quiet: and yet even the very government itself is
425divided; for Man and Wife in the family, are as the Sun
426and Moon in the firmament of Heaven; He rules by Day,
427and she by Night, that is, in the lesser and more proper
428Circles of her affairs, in the conduct of domestick provisions
429and necessary offices, and shines only by his light, and rules
430by his authority; and as the Moon in opposition to the Sun
431shines brightest, that is, then, when she is in her own circles
432and separate regions; so is the authority of the Wife then
433most conspicuous, when she is separate and in her proper
434Sphere; in Gynaeceo , in the nursery and offices of domestick
435employment: but when she is in conjunction with the Sun her
436Brother, that is, in that place and employment in which his
437care and proper offices are employed, her light is not seen,
438her authority hath no proper business; but else there is no
439difference: for they were barbarous people, among whom wives
440were instead of servants, said Spartianus in Caracalla ; and
441it is a sign of impotency and weakness, to force the Camels to
442kneel for their Load, because thou hast not spirit and strength
443enough to climb: To make the affections and evenness of a
444wife bend by the flexures of a servant, is a sign the man is
445not wise enough to govern, when another stands by. So

page 23

446many differences as can be in the appellatives of Dominus
447and Domina , Governour and Governess, Lord and Lady,
448Master and Mistress, the same difference there is in the
449authority of man and woman, and no more; Si tu Caius, ego
450Caia , was publickly proclaimed upon the threshold of the
451young mans house, when the bride enter'd into his hands
452and power; and the title of Domina in the sense of the Civil
453Law, was among the Romans given to Wives.
454
455    Hi Dominam Ditis thalamo deducere adorti ,
456
457    said Virgil : where, though Servius says it was spoken after
458the manner of the Greeks , who call'd the Wife GREEK OMITTED , Lady
459or Mistress, yet it was so amongst both the Nations.
460
461    Ac domum Dominam voca , says Catullus ;
462Haerebit Dominae vir comes ipse suae , so Martial ;
463
464    And therefore although there is just measure of Subjection
465and Obedience due from the Wife to the Husband (as I shall
466after explain) yet nothing of this expressed is in the mans
467Character, or in his Duty; he is not commanded to rule, nor
468instructed how, nor bidden to exact obedience, or to defend
469his priviledge; all his Duty is signified by Love , by nourishing
470and cherishing , by being joyned with her in all the unions of
471charity, by not being bitter to her , by dwelling with her according
472to knowledge, giving honour to her : so that it seems to be
473with Husbands, as it is with Bishops and Priests, to whom
474much honour is due, but yet so that if they stand upon it, and
475challenge it, they become less honourable: And as amongst
476men and women humility is the way to be preferr'd; so it is
477in Husbands, they shall prevail by cession, by sweetness and
478counsel, and charity and compliance. So that we cannot
479discourse of the mans right, without describing the measures of
480his duty; that therefore follows next.

page 24

481    Let him love his wife even as himself : That's his Duty,
482and the measure of it too: which is so plain, that if he understands
483how he treats himself, there needs nothing be added
484concerning his demeanour towards her, save only that we add
485the particulars, in which holy Scripture instances this general
486Commandment.
487    GREEK OMITTED That's the first. Be not bitter against
488her ; and this is the least Index and signification of Love; a
489Civil man is never bitter against a Friend or a Stranger, much
490less to him that enters under his Roof, and is secured by the
491Laws of Hospitality. But a Wife does all that, and more;
492she quits all her interest for his love, she gives him all that she
493can give, she is as much the same person as another can be
494the same, who is conjoyned by love, and mystery, and religion,
495and all that is sacred and profane.
496
497    Non equidem hoc dubites amborum foedere certo
498Consentire dies, & ab uno sidere duci ;
499
500    They have the same Fortune, the same Family, the same
501Children, the same Religion, the same Interest, the same
502Flesh erunt duo in carnem unam and therefore this the
503Apostle urges for his GREEK OMITTED no man hateth his own
504flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it ; and he certainly is
505strangely Sacrilegious and a Violater of the rights of Hospitality
506and Sanctuary, who uses her rudely, who is fled for
507Protection, not only to his House, but also to his Heart and
508Bosome. A wise man will not wrangle with any one, much
509less with his dearest relative; and if it be accounted undecent
510to Embrace in publick, it is extremely shameful to Brawle
511in publick: for the other is in itself lawful; but this never,
512though it were assisted with the best circumstances of which
513it is capable. Marcus Aurelius said, that a wise man ought

page 25

514often to admonish his wife, to reprove her seldom , but never
515to lay his hands upon her: neque verberibus neque maledictis
516exasperandam uxorem , said the Doctors of the
517Jews , and Homer brings in Jupiter sometimes
518speaking sharply to Juno (according to the Greek
519liberty and Empire) but made a pause at striking
520her,
521
522    GREEK OMITTED
523
524    And the Ancients used to sacrifice to Juno GREEK OMITTED
525or the President of Marriage, without gall;
526and St. Basil observes and urges it, by way of
527upbraiding quarrelling husbands; Etiam vipera
528virus ob nuptiarum venerationem evomit , the Viper
529casts all his poison when he marries his female, Tu
530duritiam animi, tu feritatem, tu crudelitatem ob unionis reverentiam
531non deponis? He is worse than a Viper, who for
532the reverence of this sacred union will not abstain from such
533a poisonous bitterness; and how shall he embrace that person
534whom he hath smitten reproachfully; for those kindnesses
535are undecent which the fighting-man pays unto his wife.
536S. Chrysostome preaching earnestly against this barbarous
537Inhumanity of striking the Wife, or reviling her with evil
538Language, says, it is as if a King should beat his Viceroy
539and use him like a Dog; from whom most of that Reverence
540and Majesty must needs depart, which he first put upon him,
541and the subjects shall pay him less duty, how much his
542Prince hath treated him with less civility; but the loss
543redounds to himself; and the government of the whole family
544shall be disordered, if blows be laid upon that shoulder which
545together with the other ought to bear nothing but the cares
546and the issues of a prudent government. And it is observable,

page 26

547that no man ever did this rudeness for a vertuous end;
548it is an incompetent instrument, and may proceed from wrath
549and folly, but can never end in vertue and the unions of a
550prudent and fair society. Quod si verberaveris, exasperabis
551morbum : (saith S. Chrysostome ;) asperitas enim mansuetudine,
552non alia asperitate, dissolvitur ; if you strike, you exasperate
553the Wound, and (like Cato at Utica in his despair) tear the
554Wounds in pieces; and yet he that did so ill to himself whom he
555lov'd well, he lov'd not women tenderly, and yet would never
556strike; And if the man cannot endure her talking, how can
557she endure his striking? But this Caution contains a Duty
558in it which none prevaricates, but the meanest of the people,
559Fools and Bedlams, whose kindness is a Curse, whose government
560is by chance and Violence, and their families are Herds
561of talking Cattel,
562
563    Sic alternos reficit cursus
564Alternus Amor, sic astrigeris
565Bellum discors exulat oris.
566Haec concordia temperat aequis
567Elementa modis, ut pugnantia
568Vicibus cedant humida siccis,
569Jungantque fidem frigora flammis.
570
571    The Marital Love is infinitely removed from all possibility of
572such rudenesses: it is a thing pure as Light, sacred as a
573Temple, lasting as the World; Amicitia, quae desinere potuit,
574nunquam vera fuit , said one; that love, that can cease, was
575never true: it is GREEK OMITTED so Moses call'd it; it is GREEK OMITTED so S.
576Paul ; it is GREEK OMITTED so Homer ; it is GREEK OMITTED so Plutarch ;
577that is, it contains in it all sweetness, and all society, and
578felicity, and all prudence, and all wisdom. For there is
579nothing can please a man without Love, and if a man be

page 27

580weary of the wise discourses of the Apostles, and of the innocency
581of an even and a private Fortune, or hates peace or a
582fruitful Year, he hath reaped Thorns and Thistles from the
583choicest Flowers of Paradise; For nothing can sweeten felicity
584itself, but Love ; but when a man dwells in love, then the Breasts
585of his Wife are pleasant as the droppings upon the hill of
586Hermon , her Eyes are fair as the light of Heaven, she is a
587Fountain sealed, and he can quench his thirst, and ease his
588cares, and lay his sorrow down upon her lap, and can retire
589home as to his sanctuary and refectory, and his gardens of
590sweetness and chast refreshments. No man can tell but he
591that loves his children, how many delicious accents make a
592mans heart dance in the pretty conversation of those dear
593pledges; their childishness, their stammering, their little
594angers, their innocence, their imperfections, their necessities
595are so many little emanations of joy and comfort to him that
596delights in their persons and society; but he that loves not
597his Wife and Children, feeds a Lioness at home, and broods a
598nest of Sorrows; and Blessing itself cannot make him Happy;
599so that all the Commandments of God injoyning a man to
600love his wife , are nothing but so many Necessities and Capacities
601of joy. She that is lov'd is safe , and he that loves is joyful .
602Love is a union of all things excellent; it contains in it,
603Proportion and Satisfaction, and Rest and Confidence; and I
604wish that this were so much proceeded in, that the Heathen
605themselves could not go beyond us in this Vertue, and its
606proper, and its appendant happiness. Tiberius Gracchus chose
607to die for the safety of his Wife; and yet methinks to a
608Christian to do so, should be no hard thing; for many Servants
609will die for their Masters, and many Gentlemen will die
610for their Friend; but the Examples are not so many of those
611that are ready to do it for their dearest Relatives, and yet

page 28

612some there have been. Baptista Fregosa tells of a Neapolitan ,
613that gave himself a slave to the Moors, that he might follow
614his Wife, and Dominicus Catalusius , the Prince of Lesbos ,
615kept company with his Lady when she was a Leper, and these
616are greater things than to die.
617    But the Cases in which this can be required are so rare
618and contingent, that holy Scripture instances not the duty in
619this particular; but it contains in it that the Husband should
620nourish and cherish her, that he should refresh her sorrows
621and intice her fears into confidence and pretty arts of rest;
622For even the Fig-trees that grew in Paradise had sharp
623pointed Leaves, and Harshnesses fit to mortifie the too forward
624lusting after the Sweetness of the Fruit. But it will concern
625the Prudence of the Husbands love to make the Cares and
626Evils as simple and easie as he can, by doubling the Joys and
627Acts of a careful friendship, by tolerating her Infirmities,
628(because by so doing, he either cures her, or makes himself
629better) by fairly expounding all the little traverses of society
630and communication, by taking every thing by the right handle,
631(as Plutarch's expression is) for there is nothing but may be
632mis-interpreted, and yet if it be capable of a fair construction,
633it is the Office of Love to make it.
634
635    GREEK OMITTED
636
637    Love will account that to be well said, which it may be was
638not so intended; and then it may cause it to be so, another
639time.