parameters for this division: #harman_classification_1

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60    "but," saith she, "are you both
61brothers?" "yea, surely," said they, "we haue bene both in one
62belly, and were twinnes." "Mercy, god!" quoth this folish woman;
63"it may wel be, for ye be not much vnlike," - and wente vnto her
64hall windowe, callinge these yong men vnto her, and loking out
65therat, pointed with her fingar and shewed them the house standing
66alone, no house nere the same by almoste a quarter of a myle;
67"that," sayd she, "is your vncles house." "Nay," saith one of
68them, "he is not onely my vncle, but also my godfather." "It may
69well be," quoth she, "nature wyll bind him to be the better vnto
70you." "Well," quoth they, "we be weary, and meane not to trouble
71our vncle to-night; but to-morowe, god willinge, we wyll see him
72and do our duty: but, I pray you, doth our vncle occupy husbandry?
73what company hath he in his house." "Alas!" saith she, "but one
74old woman and a boy, he hath no occupying at al: tushe," quoth
75this good wife, "you be mad men; go to him this night, for hee
76hath better lodging for you then I haue, and yet I speake folishly
77against my own profit, for by your taring here I should gaine the
78more by you." "Now, by my troth," quoth one of them, "we thanke

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79you, good hostes, for your holsome councel, and we meane to do as
80you wyll vs: we wyl pause a whyle, and by that tyme it wylbe almost
81night; and I praye you geue vs a reckeninge," - so, manerly paying
82for that they toke, bad their hoste and hostes farewell with takinge
83leaue of the cup, marched merelye out of the dores towardes this
84parsones house, vewed the same well rounde about, and passed by
85two bowshotes of into a younge wodde, where they laye consultinge
86what they shoulde do vntyll midnight. Quoth one of them, of
87sharper wyt and subtyller then the other, to hys fellowe, "thou seest
88that this house is stone walled about, and that we cannot well breake
89in, in any parte thereof; thou seest also that the windowes be thicke
90of mullions, that ther is no kreping in betwene: wherefore we must
91of necessytie vse some policye when strength wil not serue. I haue
92a horse locke here about me," saith he; "and this I hope shall serue
93oure turne." So when it was aboute xii. of the clocke, they came to
94the house and lurked nere vnto his chamber wyndowe: the dog of the
95house barked a good, that with they noise, this priest waketh out
96of his sleepe, and began to cough and hem: then one of these roges
97stepes forth nerer the window and maketh a ruful and pityful noise,
98requiring fro Crist sake some reliefe, that was both hongry and
99thirstye, and was like to ly with out the dores all nighte and starue
100for colde, vnles he were releued by him with some small pece of
101money. "Where dwellest thou?" quoth this parson. "Alas! sir,"
102saithe this roge, "I haue smal dwelling, and haue com out
103of my way; and I should now," saith he, "go to any towne nowe at
104this time of night, they woulde set me in the stockes and punishe
105me." "Well," quoth this pitifull parson, "away from my house,
106either lye in some of my out houses vntyll the morning, and holde,
107here is a couple of pence for thee." "A god rewarde you," quoth
108this roge; "and in heauen may you finde it." The parson openeth
109his wyndowe, and thrusteth out his arme to geue his almes to this
110Roge that came whining to receiue it, and quickly taketh holde of his
111hand, and calleth his fellowe to him, whiche was redye at hande with
112the horse locke, and clappeth the same about the wrest of his arme,
113that the mullions standing so close together for strength, that for his

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114life he could not plucke in his arme againe, and made him beleue,
115vnles he would at the least geue them .iii. li., they woulde smite of
116his arme from the body. So that this poore parson, in feare to lose
117his hand, called vp his olde woman that lay in the loft ouer him,
118and wylled her to take out all the money he had, which was iiij.
119markes, which he saide was all the money in his house, for he had
120lent vi. li. to one of his neighbours not iiij daies before. "Wel,"
121quoth they, "master parson, if you haue no more, vpon this condicion
122we wil take of the locke, that you will drinke .xij. pence for
123our sakes to-morow at the alehouse wher we found you, and thank
124the good wife for the good chere she made vs." He promised faithfully
125that he would so do; so they toke of the locke, and went their
126way so farre ere it was daye, that the parson coulde neuer haue any
127vnderstanding more of them. Now this parson, sorowfully slumbering
128that night betwene feare and hope, thought it was but folly to
129make two sorrowes of one; he vsed contentacion for his remedy, not
130forgetting in the morning to performe his promise, but went betims
131to his neighbour that kept tiplinge, and asked angerly where the
132same two men were that dranke with her yester daye. "Which two
133men?" quoth this good wife. "The straungers that came in when I
134was at your house wyth my neighbores yesterday." "What! your
135neuewes?" quoth she. "My neuewes?" quoth this parson; "I
136trowe thou art mad." "Nay, by god!" quoth this good wife, "as
137sober as you; for they tolde me faithfully that you were their vncle:
138but, in fayth, are you not so in dede? for, by my trouth, they are
139straungers to me. I neuer saw them before." "O, out vpon
140them!" quoth the parson; "they be false theues, and this night
141thei compelled me to geue them al the money in my house."
142"Benedicite!" quoth this good wife, "and haue they so in dede? as
143I shall aunswere before god, one of them told me besides that you
144were godfather to him, and that he trusted to haue blessinge
145before he departed." "What! did he?" quoth this parson; "a
146halter blesse him for me!" "Me thinketh, by the masse, by
147your countenance you loked so wildly when you came in," quoth
148this good wife, "that somthing was amis." "I vse not to gest,"

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149quoth this parson, "when I speake so earnestly." "Why, all your
150sorrowes goe with it," quoth this good wife, "and sitte downe here,
151and I will fil a freshe pot of ale shall make you mery agayne."
152"Yea," saith this parson, "fill in, and geue me some meat; for they
153made me sweare and promise them faithfully that I shoulde drinke
154xii. pence with you this day." "What! dyd they? quoth she;
155"now, by the mary masse, they be mery knaues. I warraunt you they
156meane to bye no land with your money; but how could they come
157into you in the night, your dores being shut fast? your house is
158very stronge." Then this parson shewed her all the hole circumstance,
159how he gaue them his almes oute at the wyndowe, they
160made such lamentable crye that it pytied him at the hart; for he
161sawe but one when he put oute his hand at the windowe. "Be
162ruled by me," quoth this good wyfe. "Wherin?" quoth this parson.
163"By my troth, neuer speake more of it: when they shal vnderstand
164of it in the parish, they wyll but laugh you to skorne." "Why,
165then," quoth this parson, "the deuyll goe with it," - and their an
166end.

parameters for this division: #harman_classification_2

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167

A WYLDE ROGE. CAP. 5.

168
169    A Wilde Roge is he that is borne a Roge: he is a more subtil
170and more geuen by nature to all kinde of knauery then the
171other, as beastely begotten in barne or bushes, and from his
172infancye traded vp in trechery; yea, and before ripenes of yeares
173doth permyt, wallowinge in lewde lechery, but that is counted
174amongesth them no sin. For this is their custome, that when they
175mete in barne at night, euery one getteth a make to lye wythall,
176and their chaunce to be twentye in a companye, as their is sometyme
177more and sometyme lesse: for to one man that goeth abroad, there
178are at least two women, which neuer make it straunge when they
179be called, although she neuer knewe him before. Then when the
180day doth appeare, he rouses him vp, and shakes his eares, and awaye
181wanderinge where he may gette oughte to the hurte of others. Yet
182before he skyppeth oute of hys couche and departeth from his
183darling, if he like her well, he will apoint her where to mete shortlye

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184after, with a warninge to worke warely for some chetes, that their
185meting might be the merier.
186    Not long sithens, a wild roge chaunced to mete a pore neighbour
187of mine, who for honesty and good natur surmounteth many.
188This poore man, riding homeward from London, where he had made
189his market, this roge demaunded a peny for gods sake,
190to kepe him a true man. This simple man, beholding him wel, and
191sawe he was of taule personage with a good quarter staffe in his
192hand, it much pitied him, as he sayd, to se him want; for he was
193well able to serue his prince in the wars. Thus, being moued with
194pytie, and loked in his pursse to finde out a penye; and in loking
195for the same, he plucked oute viii. shyllinges in whyte money, and
196raked therin to finde a single peny; and at the last findinge one,
197doth offer the same to this wylde roge: but he, seinge so much mony
198in this simple mans hand, being striken to the hart with a couetous
199desire, bid him forth wyth delyuer al that he had, or els he woulde
200with his staffe beat out his braynes. For it was not a penye would
201now quench his thirst, seing so much as he dyd: thus, swallowinge
202his spittel gredely downe, spoyled this poore man of al the money
203that he had, and lept ouer the hedge into a thicke wode, and went
204his waye as merely as this good simple man came home sorowfully.
205I once rebuking a wyld roge because he went idelly about, he
206shewed me that he was a beggar by enheritance - his Grandfather
207was a beggarbegger, his father was one, and he must nedes be one by good
208reason.

parameters for this division: #harman_classification_3

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236    "God helpe," quoth she, "how should I lyue? none
237wyll take me into seruice; but I labour in haruest time honestly."
238"I thinke but a whyle with honestie," quoth I. "Shall I tell you,"
239quoth she, "the best of vs all may be amended; but yet, I thanke
240god, I dyd one good dede within this twelue monthes." "Wherein?"
241quoth I. Sayth she, "I woulde not haue it spoken of agayne."
242"Yf it be meete and necessary," quod I, "it shall lye vnder my
243feete." "What meane you by that?" quoth she. "I meane," quod
244I, "to hide the same, and neuer to discouer it to any." "Well,"
245quoth she, and began to laugh as much as she could, and sweare by
246the masse that if I disclosed the same to any, she woulde neuer more
247tell me any thinge. "The last sommer," quoth she, "I was greate
248with chylde, and I traueled into east kent by the sea coste, for I
249lusted meruelously after oysters and muskels, and gathered many,
250and in the place where I found them, I opened them and eate them
251styll: at the last, in seking more, I reached after one, and stept into
252a hole, and fel in into the wast, and their dyd stycke, and I had
253bene drowned if the tide had come, and espyinge a man a good waye
254of, I cried as much as I could for helpe. I was alone, he hard
255me, and repaired as fast to me as he might, and finding me their fast
256stycking, I required for gods sake his helpe; and whether it was with
257stryuinge and forcing my selfe out, or for ioye I had of his comminge
258to me, I had a great couller in my face, and loked red and well

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259coullered. And, to be playne with you, he lyked me so well (as he
260sayd) that I should there lye styll, and I would not graunt him, that
261he might lye with me. And, by my trouth, I wist not what to
262answeare, I was in such a perplexite; for I knew the man well; he
263had a very honest woman to his wyfe, and was of some welth; and,
264one the other syde, if I weare not holpe out, I should there haue
265perished, and I graunted hym that I would obeye to his wyll: then
266he plucked me out. And because there was no conuenient place nere
267hande, I required hym that I might go washe my selfe, and make me
268somewhat clenly, and I would come to his house and lodge all night
269in his barne, whether he mighte repaire to me, and accomplyshe hys
270desire, 'but let it not be,' quoth she, 'before nine of the clocke at
271nyghte for then there wylbe small styrring. And I may repaire
272to the towne,' quoth she, 'to warme and drye my selfe'; for
273this was about two of the clocke in the after none. 'Do so,' quoth
274hee; 'for I must be busie to looke oute my cattell here by before I
275can come home.' So I went awaye from hym, and glad was I."
276"And why so?" quoth I. "Because," quoth she, "hys wife, my
277good dame, is my very freend, and I am much beholdinge to her.
278And she hath donne me so much good or this, that I weare loth nowe
279to harme her any waye." "Why," quoth I, "what and it hadde
280beene any other man, and not your good dames husbande?" "The
281matter had bene the lesse," quoth shee. "Tell me, I prey the,"
282quoth I, "who was the father of thy childe?" She stodyd a whyle,
283and sayde that it hadde a father. "But what was hee?" quoth I.
284"Nowe, by my trouth, I knowe not," quoth shee; "you brynge me
285out of my matter so, you do." "Well, saye on," quoth I. "Then I
286departed strayght to the towne, and came to my dames house, And
287shewed her of my mysfortune, also of her husbands vsage, in all
288pointes, and that I showed her the same for good wyll, and byde her
289take better heede to her husbande, and to her selfe: so shee gaue me
290great thankes, and made me good cheere, and byd me in anye case
291that I should be redye at the barne at that tyme and houre we had
292apoynted; 'for I knowe well,' quoth this good wyfe, 'my husband
293wyll not breake wyth the. And one thinge I warne the, that thou

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294geue me a watche worde a loud when hee goeth aboute to haue his
295pleasure of the, and that shall bee "fye, for shame, fye," and I wyll
296bee harde by you wyth helpe. But I charge the keepe thys secret
297vntyll all bee fynesed; and holde,' saythe thys good wyfe, 'here is
298one of my peticotes I geue thee.' 'I thanke you, good dame,'
299quoth I, 'and I warrante you I wyll bee true and trustye vnto
300you.' So my dame lefte me settinge by a fyre with meate
301and drynke; and wyth the oysters I broughte with me, I hadde greate
302cheere: shee wente strayght and repaired vnto her gossypes dwelling
303there by; and, as I dyd after vnderstande, she made her mone to
304them, what a naughtye, lewed, lecherous husbande shee hadde, and
305howe that she coulde not haue hys companye for harlotes, and that
306she was in feare to take some fylthy dysease of hym, he was so
307commen a man, hauinge lytle respecte whome he hadde to do with
308all; 'and,' quoth she, 'nowe here is one at my house, a poore woman
309that goeth aboute the countrey that he woulde haue hadde to doe
310withall; wherefore, good neyghboures and louinge gossypes, as you
311loue me, and as you would haue helpe at my hand another tyme,
312deuyse some remedy to make my husband a good man, that I may
313lyue in some suerty without disease, and that hee may saue his soule
314that God so derelye bought.' After shee hadde tolde her
315tale, they caste their persinge eyes all vpon her, but one stoute dame
316amongst the rest had these wordes - 'As your pacient bearinge of
317troubles, your honest behauiour among vs your neyghbours, your
318tender and pytifull hart to the poore of the parysh, doth moue vs to
319lament your case, so the vnsatiable carnalite of your faithelesse husbande
320doth instigate and styre vs to deuyse and inuent some speedy
321redresse for your ease and the amendement of hys lyfe. Wherefore,
322this is my councell and you wyll bee aduertysed by me; for I saye
323to you all, vnlesse it be this good wyfe, who is cheefely touched in
324this matter, I haue the nexte cause; for hee was in hande wyth me
325not longe a goe, and companye had not bene present, which was by
326a meruelous chaunce, he hadde, I thinke, forced me. For often hee
327hath bene tempering with me, and yet haue I sharpely sayde him

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328naye: therefore, let vs assemble secretly into the place where hee
329hathe apuynted to meete thys gyllot that is at your house, and lyrke
330preuelye in some corner tyll hee begyn to goe aboute his busines.
331And then me thought I harde you saye euen nowe that you had a
332watche word, at which word we wyll all stepforthstep forthEdition: stepforth, being fiue of vs
333besydes you, for you shalbe none because it is your husbande, but
334gette you to bed at your accustomed houre. And we wyll cary eche
335of vs good byrchen rodde in our lappes, and we will all be muffeled
336for knowing, and se that you goe home and acquaynt that walking
337Morte with the matter; for we must haue her helpe to hold, for
338alwaies foure must hold and two lay one.' 'Alas!' sayth this good
339wyfe, 'he is to stronge for you all. I would be loth, for my sake
340you should receaue harme at his hande.' 'feare you not,' quoth these
341stout wemen, 'let her not geue the watch word vntyl his hosen be
342abaut his legges. And I trowe we all wylbe with him to bring
343before he shall haue leasure to plucke them vp againe.' They all
344with on voyce agred to the matter, that the way she had deuised was
345the best: so this good wife repaired home; but before she departed
346from her gossypes, she shewed them at what houre they should
347preuely come in on the backsid, and where to tary their good our:
348so by the time she came in, it was all most night, and found the walking
349Morte still setting by the fyre, and declared to her all this new
350deuyse aboue sayd, which promised faythfully to full fyll to her small
351powre as much as they hadde deuysed: within a quarter of an oure
352after, in commeth the good man, who said that he was about his
353cattell. "Why, what haue we here, wyfe, setting by the fyre? and
354yf she haue eate and dronke, send her into the barne to her lodging
355for this night, for she troubeleth the house." "Euen as you wyll
356husbande," sayth his wyfe; "you knowe she commeth once in two
357yeres into these quarters. Awaye," saythe this good wyfe,
358"to your lodginge." "Yes, good dame," sayth she, "as fast as I
359can:" thus, by loking one on the other, eche knewe others mynde,
360and so departed to her comely couche: the good man of the house
361shrodge hym for Ioye, thinking to hym selfe, I wyll make some pastyme
362with you anone. And calling to his wyfe for hys sopper, set

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363him downe, and was very plesant, and dranke to his wyfe, and fell
364to his mammerings, and mounched a pace, nothing vnderstanding of
365the bancquet that was preparing for him after sopper, and according
366to the prouerbe, that swete meate wyll haue sowre sawce: thus, when
367he was well refreshed, his sprietes being reuyued, entred into familiare
368talke with his wife, of many matters, how well he had spent
369that daye to both there proffytes, sayinge some of his cattell were
370lyke to haue ben drowned in the dyches, dryuinge others of his
371neyghbours cattell out that were in his pastures, and mending his
372fences that were broken downe. Thus profitably he had consumed
373the daye, nothinge talking of his helping out of the walkinge Morte
374out of the myre, nether of his request nor yet of her promisse.
375Thus feding her with frendly fantacyes, consumed two houres and
376more. Then fayninge howe hee would se in what case his horse
377were in and howe they were dressed, Repaired couertly into the
378barne, where as his freendlye foes lyrked preuely, vnlesse it were
379this manerly Morte, that comly couched on a bottell of strawe.
380"What, are you come?" quoth she; "by the masse, I would not
381for a hundreth pound that my dame should knowe that you were
382here, eyther any els of your house." "No, I warrant the," sayth
383this good man, "they be all safe and fast ynough at their woorke,
384and I wylbe at mine anon." And laye downe by her, and strayght
385would haue had to do with her. "Nay, fye," sayth she, "I lyke
386not this order: if ye lye with me, you shall surely vntrus you and
387put downe your hosen, for that way is most easiest and best."
388"Sayest thou so?" quoth he, "now, by my trouth agred." And
389when he had vntrussed him selfe and put downe, he began to assalt
390the vnsatiable fort "Why," quoth she, that was with out shame,
391sauinge for her promes, "And are you not ashamed? "neuer a
392whyte," sayth he, "lye downe quickely." "Now, fye, for shame,
393fye," sayth shee a loude,whyche, whyche was the watche word. At the
394which word, these fyue furious, sturdy, muffeled gossypes flynges
395oute, and takes sure holde of this be trayed parson, sone pluckinge
396his hosen downe lower, and byndinge the same fast about his feete;

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397then byndinge his handes, and knitting a hande charcher about his
398eyes, that he shoulde not see; and when they had made hym sure
399and fast, Then they layd him one vntyll they weare windles. "Be
400good," sayth this Morte, "vnto my maister, for the passion of God,"
401and layd on as fast as the rest, and styll seased not to
402crye vpon them to bee mercyfull vnto hym, and yet layde on a pace;
403and when they had well beaten hym, that the bloud braste plentifullye
404oute in most places, they let hym lye styll bounde. With
405this exhortation, that he shoulde from that tyme forth knowe his
406wyfe from other mens, and that this punishment was but a flebyting
407in respect of that which should followe, yf he amended not his
408manners. Thus leuynge hym blustering, blowing, and fominge for
409payne, and malyncolye that hee neither might or coulde be reuenged
410of them, they vanyshed awaye, and hadde thys Morte with them,
411and safely conuayde her out of the towne: sone after commeth into
412the barne one of the good mans boyes, to fet some haye for his horse.
413And fyndinge his maister lyinge faste bounde and greuouslye beaten
414with rodes, was sodenly abashed and woulde haue runne out agayne
415to haue called for helpe; but his maister bed hym come vnto hym
416and vnbynd hym; "and make no wordes," quoth he, "of this. I
417wylbe reuenged well inoughe;" yet not with standinge, after better
418aduyse, the matter beinge vnhonest, he thought it meter to let the
419same passe, and, not, as the prouerbe saythe, to awake the sleping
420dogge. "And, by my trouth," quoth this walkinge Morte, "I come
421nowe from that place, and was neuer there sythens this parte was
422playde, whiche is some what more then a yeare. And I here a very
423good reporte of hym now, that he loueth his wyfe well, and vseth
424hym selfe verye honestlye; and was not this a good acte? nowe, howe
425saye you?" "It was pretely handeled," quoth I, "and is here all?"
426"Yea," quoth she, "here is the ende."